


Analyzing Deception

by tommygirl



Category: Alias
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-04
Updated: 2011-04-04
Packaged: 2017-10-17 14:19:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/177754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommygirl/pseuds/tommygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lauren's thoughts on her role as wife.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Analyzing Deception

There were moments where I could convince myself that things didn’t have to change. I knew the reasons things had happened, why I was even in this position in the first place. It was because I believed in the cause of the Covenant and didn’t want to spend the rest of my life being lied to, being led to believe that I was fighting the good fight. At least this way, I could tolerate and comprehend all the horrible things I did in the name of Rambaldi’s visions.

I knew those reasons still applied, but I had come to care for Michael Vaughn despite all my intentions and despite his own behaviour. When I met him he was drinking heavily, worn out, and utterly obnoxious, but below that…there was a person I could connect with, someone who had lost faith in the people around him, and someone I could have a conversation with and not want to shoot myself out of boredom. As far as assignments went, getting close to Michael was one of my easiest.

Until she came back. Until he got that phone call in the middle of the night and disappeared without a trace for a few days. Until he returned home to me, reeking of her. What was I supposed to do? Why I supposed to continue playing the happy house wife when we both knew that Sydney’s returned signalled a change in everything.

And change it did. Vaughn went back to the CIA, which led me to being moved there as well. Sydney started seeking out information on the Covenant and each of her escapades meant more work for me. I couldn’t hide behind the pretense of a marriage out of love. It was necessity. For both of us. Mine was for the cause and Michael’s was to protect his heart.

Didn’t that make us both equal liars in the relationship?

“Things were different before,” I said one night. I don’t know what I was trying to prove. Was it to lessen those moments of guilt I sometimes succumbed to? Was it wounded pride searching for proof that I wasn’t second best?

“What do you mean, it was different before?” he asked. His face was so earnest and bewildered that I almost wanted to slap him, to shake him senseless and shout, “You can’t honestly be this stupid, Michael.” But I never did. It would’ve destroyed my cover and it seemed like such a Sydney thing to do, so dramatic in that very endearing way—a way that said, “Can’t you see what you’re doing to me.” I was sick of being compared to Sydney, sick of living in her shadow personally and professionally. The last thing I needed to do was start proving the bastards right.

“We’ve been off since—“

“Lauren, I’ve told you before. Sydney and I are friends. I’m married to you,” he said. As an afterthought, he added, “I love you.”

I sighed, “It’s not so much, Sydney, as everything, Michael. I feel like we’re fighting a different fight.” The truth, though for different reasons than he would assume. I crossed my arms over my chest protectively and continued, “We used to have a quiet life and now it’s filled with your missions and my investigations and…”

“And Sydney.”

I nodded and replied, “And Sydney.”

“It’s going to take some getting used to. I know that, but it’ll all work out in the end.”

Michael was one of those guys. He had lost his true love, seen some grizzly scenes as an agent for the CIA, and nearly died a few times himself, and yet he was always optimistic, always willing to give people a chance. Even in his darkest times when I first met him, he was never completely angry or shut down like most people I knew. He had this aura of goodness…sometimes it was endearing, but in that moment, I hated it. I knew it was a lie and that our marriage was going to split apart at the seams. There was nothing I could do to fix that.

And while it stung slightly, I was never too upset about it. I knew Sydney would be back one day to reclaim her life and that Michael would go rushing to her side. I knew that the Covenant would require more and more of me until my cover finally got blown and everyone knew the truth.

Michael wasn’t the only one who was lying when we took our vows and that neither of us loved each other most. We were partners in deception, but somehow I'd end up blamed for it all because his reasoning was true love and mine was of a different nature.

**Author's Note:**

> written for the prompt Vaughn/Lauren, and the line "What do you mean, it was different before?", which was a challenge as I was never a very big Lauren fan.


End file.
